Take the Risk

[Take the Risk]

There comes a day when you realize turning the page is the best feeling in the world, because you realize there is so much more to the book than the page you were stuck on.“

It is bittersweet to begin the transition of this blog to one that reflects the season we are now in. These pages began as a sacred time between me and the words that flowed from my heart, an attempt to capture the emotions and raw truth of taking the risk to open our hearts and our home to children in foster care and love them for however long the Lord and the judicial system allowed us to.  

There have been small experiences in the past few weeks that have become big revelations to my mama heart. I have received 3 calls from Dakota’s school, two being from the school nurse and one from his resource teacher, updating me on his progress and praising him for the leaps and bounds he has made behaviorally, socially, and academically. What I haven’t had was a call or text or email from his teachers requesting support or asking me to meet with them and provide insight from his past that would help them support him more fully. When I said this out loud, I sobbed; big tears of relief, pride, and overwhelming relief that my extra special guy is soaring. To God be the glory!

I recently had a conversation with a mom who has also adopted and she had no idea we had Gracie from the heart and not the womb, despite our girls knowing each other for the last two years. Again, a reminder of a new season  I am in, not the protective sharer of their story, but simply their mama.

Jacob was asked to write a narrative about one of his early childhood memories, and he chose to share a chapter from his past that his teacher and coaches were unaware of. He did so voluntarily and proudly name us as his parents, with no explanation or phone call or follow up needed from me.

My sweet Jackson made a family tree in his preschool class and when we read it together, it was without interruption in my heart because for the first time, it was easy to name everyone, everyone has their place, everyone is a Martin and I didn’t have to frantically panic and try to put the pieces together for a tender heart. Previously, these class projects left me broken as our older boys had questions and gaps that I could not answer. This simple project gave me the courage to appreciate where we are now and look forward to the chapters that will be written. 

I know without a doubt we will foster again, love again, be heartbroken again, advocate again, steward precious littles again that need a caring adult to step in and provide physical, emotional and spiritual shelter, but for now, we are in This place and This season of accepting each other and loving each other, and forgiving each other and growing together as a family of 6. 

While the finalization or “permancy” of adoption for  a child  is mostly a relief, it does not come without its own heartbreak, for  with every adoption there is also a goodbye, an end to one part of a child’s life that will forever be a part of them.  Some of our experiences I will share lend themselves to those past chapters where we tread with patience , grace, and tenderness, while also forging ahead to the new ones. 

I don’t have a title for the rollover of the new blog, but I feel certain in time it will come from THE author of our story, our precious Heavenly Father, as I only pen the words.

[Take the Risk]

On May 2, 2016, Brad and I celebrated our 7 year anniversary . May 4, we finalized Gracie’s adoption and I handed out “Martin Party of 5 ” tshirts I had made as a surprise . On May 10, We celebrated Brads 37 th birthday and on May 11 we got a phone call that Gracie’s brother , baby boy Martin , had been born in Mississippi . On May 13 we finalized Jacob and Dakotas adoption with dear friends and family . 2 days later Brad flew to Canada for a business trip and I left in a suburban with a friend and 2 toddlers to bring our baby boy home . During all this , my brother in law , sister and niece moved in with us for the summer to bring extra hands and hearts into our beautiful mess before they move to Pennsylvania for the next 4 or so years . And our house sold in 4 days . And our closing was delayed three times .
And in the midst of this , things got real in our marriage . Brad and I found ourselves at a crossroads of sorts . Our common ground has always been our faith , our family and our resolve to always find our way back to each other . We have been down similar paths through the season of a new job, moving to a new state , walking the road of infertility and miscarriage , longing in the wait of fostering and adoption to become our own family . But here we were , so caught up in the daily grind of surviving that our words became short , our affection lessened and our sense of union threadbare . And just like He does , our Heavenly Father wraps around us in ways only he can author . He turns hurt into an opportunity to see our spouse through His eyes. He brings a complete stranger into your life at just the right moment to pray words of truth and wisdom over your marriage that only someone who has lived a similar story could . He reminds us through our co workers to laugh , be present and say I’m sorry . It sounds simple , but in the daily grind of changing diapers , cleaning spit up for the 10 th time before 10 am, doctors appointments , 3 loads of dishes a day , oh wait , did the dogs get fed ? , work, advocating for your little with special needs who’s having a hard time at his summer program , and on and on and on, the laughing and forgiving and enjoying the moment isn’t so easy . And what comes next is something I’ve said 100 times before , BUT GOD. thank goodness my role of Daughter of the King, wife , mom, earthly daughter , sister , co worker , friend , advocate , volunteer , house keeper , chauffeur isn’t dependent on me or my actions . I’ll never be wise enough , funny enough , rested enough , house cleaned enough , children fed only all natural we eat lunchables enough . But what I can do is be a wife that builds up and doesn’t tear down . A wife that listens with intent and isn’t mentally going over the next few days to do lists . I can look at my husband and see a man who leapt with me off the ledge to become a family of 6 in less than 2 years . A man that gives his all at work to provide and set a future and a man that feeds our niece her late night bottle because she loves him dearly. And then I watch him tenderly fall asleep with Jackson Bradley, his namesake , after cutting the grass and putting the trampoline back together . I have so much more to share about the very real truth of our Martin Party of Six but as I end tonight , I am thankful that we always cross the road together , hand in hand . While I’m sure we will again stand at the crossroads of differences , business , exhaustion , trials , temptations or whatever else the world brings our way , I give all the thanks and praise to our Heavenly Father who knew 5 years after we said “Until death do us part ” we would be given the tremendous honor of raising 4 of His children who are so precious in His sight . Jackson Bradley Martin has been the sweetest , snuggliest, smallest , most precious addition to our family and I can’t wait to see where this journey leads us next .

[Take the Risk]

Dear Jackson

[Take the Risk]

Today I was quickly checking my personal email and saw the subject line “Jena, where have you been? Tumblr misses you”. I stopped a minute and thought, oh I miss you too, I’ve been wanting to blog for weeks and haven’t made the time. And then I laughed out loud as I thought of where I have been..Just Today. Just today, Jack welcomed Tuesday at 5:30 am. I sent the boys over to our precious neighbors who have been taking them to school the last 5 plus days so I don’t have to pack the babies up for drop off. I went to a doctor’s appointment because sometimes I do follow through with taking care of myself, headed on to work for a staff meeting, dropped a prescription off at Target on the way, left after a few hours and scooped up Gracie, Jack and my sweet sitter to see Jacob perform in his school play, dropped the littles back off, and went back to work for the remainder of the afternoon. I scheduled some special education trainings for foster parents around the state , had a few moments of adult conversations, read through a grant, then headed home, but not before stopping by Target again to pick up the before mentioned prescription and also dashed into Trader Joes so we could have dinner, snacks, milk and the “granilla bars” I have been promising Dakota I would get for him. In the midst of all this are my people who make it all work. It’s our sweet nanny who dear friends let us share during the crazy morning hours who makes sure we all eat a warm breakfast…literally every morning she feeds me, the babies, Brad and his assistant. Its walking in from a tough Monday after a no sleep Sunday night to see she has folded every piece of the 6 loads of laundry I did the night before, without me asking. Its my neighbors who are in the middle of their own foster journey that say “let us help in the morning”, adding my two boys to their family of 5 morning routine. It’s neighborhood mamas who let the boys play at the park while I work and the babies nap, and who take Jacob to the second play performance tonight at 6pm and then feed him dinner because I was on the way home from work to start second shift with the littles. Its Jacob’s basketball coach who has no down time because he’s a pediatrician and has three kiddos of his own that takes him to a make up game on Monday night after 6 so our other three can get to bed on time and keep our routine. Its my saving grace college sitter that handles all four of the Martin kiddos three days a week while Brad and I work and had dinner ready tonight when I walked in the door late, I’m always late these days and she still stays with us. Its co workers who text and say “ hey, can I grab you a starbucks” and supervisors that say “breathe, its OK to feel overwhelmed and its even ok to ask for help.” Its a girl friend text chain late at night that makes me laugh and a coffee date with prayer that strengthens me.

I have never been good at asking for anything. I quit girl scouts because I didnt like asking people to buy cookies and I certainly dont want to ask people to help me with the day to day logistics of having 4 kids under 11, 2 full time working parents and a business that often times calls for Brad to travel weeks at a time . Why is it so hard for me to ask? Maybe because we chose this crazy beautiful life and all that comes with it, or that I think I have it mostly together when I really dont, or maybe its because it lets others in and makes me feel a little guilty knowing it will be a few years before  I can truly return the favor. I know in my heart none of these sweet souls expects anything in return, but one of my gifts is giving and serving because it brings me such joy, and right now this season in our lives rarely allows me to do that. But the truth is, asking for help has forged new friendships not only for me but for my children. Leaning on my people makes me a better wife, mama, coworker and friend because we aren’t meant to do this life alone. It is still difficult and very humbling for me to ask our village for anything , or say yes to the gracious offers of others, but when I’m being completely honest with myself, I dont really have it all together and that’s ok. I believe our family came together in the most amazing way and we have these beautiful friends in our life to walk alongside us through the journey. For me today, it is so very important to thank everyone who has provided a logistical need, transportation need, mentoring need, prayer need, financial need, a word of encouragement, a starbucks to a sleepy mama need, and most importantly, the need to have others wrap around you when sometimes you just aren’t sure how to make it all work. Thankfully, it isn’t up to just me, the one who makes it all work is Greater than my fear of asking for help or any anxiety  or self doubt that likes to take up space in my head - His Grace, His Provision, His steadfast Love continues to show up all around me and Martin Party of 6 every single day in the most helpful and loving ways.

[Take the Risk]

What a Year

This is our Christmas card, turned New Years card, now virtual card, because it’s been that kind of year. If I had to sum it up in one word, it would be “survival”. We have had life changes that many go through in 20 plus years, all within 2 years, the culmination mostly being the year of 2016.  Fostering, adoptions, welcoming a 4 pound peanut, living with my sister, brother in law and niece for a summer, moving, new jobs, new responsibilities, less sleep when sleep was already scarce, more joy, new milestones, richer friendships, a fair share of heartache that maybe one day I  will share when it isn’t so raw, and a new kind of perseverance we didn’t know was possible until it became a requirement. A way of life. A mode to exist. Survival. 

Life is hard sometimes. Marriage is hard a lot of the time. Parenting is hard the majority of the time.  It is a balancing act with no real balance. It is moments of questioning our new reality with a lot of grace and faith intertwined. It is two people who are flawed and broken individually parenting four souls with their own brokenness. It is a redemption story that is still being written and thankfully, the author knew every single line, detailed every plot,  and knew every mishap, struggle and wavering this year would bring. And still, because we are HIS, because he Adopted us first, we are able to stay the course because His Grace is Sufficient. 

I do not personally participate in New Year resolutions, and I do not care for halfhearted attempts and empty promises that lead to let down and unfair expectations. For me, reflection and improvement without dwelling in the negative is how I hope to shape the course of a new year. In our prayers tonight, I prayed over Jacob, who is having a particularly difficult season, gratitude for a Savior who knows our simple human minds need the encouragement of a new year, a new month, a new week, even a new day, to give us the kind of hope for a future Jeremiah 29:11 speaks of. For Martin Party of 6, this looks like more intentional family time, time with the older boys with only Brad and I so they have  our full  attention, coffee dates before work that encourage two tired, busy, life partners to reconnect without blowing the child care budget, less social media, more face to face, less things and more experiences, more “me time”, selective Yes’s and intentional No’s, more community with our village and most importantly, more time spent in prayer, being Still with the one who loves us most. 

Wrapping up 2016, I wouldn’t change a thing, but there are things we will change. Psalm 37:4 has always been one of my favorite bible verses. For 2017, I am putting my faith all in that when we “Delight ourselves in the Lord (FIRST..over people, material things, careers, addictions, indiscretions, our relationships or maybe lack there of, our own fleshly desires whatever those may be) HE will give us the desires of our heart . What greater joy can a new year bring ? 

[Take the Risk]

“Every Day May Not Be Good, But There is Something Good in Every Day”

I’ve been mentally drafting this post  for weeks because I couldn’t narrow the focus of what it is I want to portray.  My heart has been burdened about so many things recently, some personal, others bigger picture.  I sat with  these things and I prayed and  wept and  got angry and emotional and  then I did what I always do when things seem overwhelmingly out of control- I watched and listened and observed the good. I captured moments of  kindness and  saw interactions that were pure of heart. I have pictures of strangers helping each other during Hurricane Matthew , complete strangers of different backgrounds, professions and skin color filling each other’s car with gas when one was stranded, another image of a policeman changing a flat tire for a family in the pouring rain. And while these things are SO good, I needed to bring it a  little closer to home, to focus on the good and lovely right in front of me as it relates to my people, the little ones that have their own story that is right now filled with so much goodness and love.

I asked permission to write about Dakota’s therapeutic aid at school, “Miter Davis”. I’ve heard about Mr. Davis for three years now but have not had a personal conversation with him until a few weeks ago. I knew he was special because over two years ago when  I washing Dakota’s school uniform pants, I found several handfulls of flowers in one of the pockets. When I asked him what they were for, he said “ I got in a little bit of trouble because I be a little bit bad and Miter Davis had to take me for a walk so I picked them for him.” Obviously if you get flowers after having to provide behavioral intervention, you’re a good man. And maybe Dakota is especially talented in finding something good in the day when it hasnt been that good of a  good day.  For me, however,  it wasnt until I sat in a room with him and heard him speak about my son that I truly understood just how special “Miter Davis” really is.  Mr. Davis is about 6′4, built like a professional linebacker and has the voice to match. When  he spoke in his deep voice out of his man size frame, he spoke words of  kindness and praise about my sweet boy who has struggled almost every day of every year in school. He spoke about his character and life lessons, and how he teaches him to have a firm handshake and to speak to others how he wants to be treated. He lovingingly reminds him to  say yes sir and no sir like his mama and daddy teach him to do at home. He told me he treats him like his son and encourages him to be independent so he will be successful as an adult. And while we were there to discuss his educational needs and classroom placement and behavior,  I stopped in the middle of this meeting and with tears streaming down my face, thanked him for speaking so much good. He is one of Dakota’s heroes. A child knows when you believe in him and when we say “Miter Davis” around our house, the smiles are abundant. Mr. Davis is a difference maker.

We’ve also been very blessed to have met some precious neighbors who are beginning the fostering journey and who also have two boys that have embraced Dakota as a  friend and playmate. Recently when we went around the dinner table and named what we were thankful for, he spoke up for the first time without having to be prompted and said “friends!” “ I have new friends and I had my first friend sleepover with another friend and I not really have no friends before them”. And while this pulled at my mama heartstrings, I saw the good in this, the joy my little guy felt from having a sense of belonging with his new buddies. 

To draw this post to a close, I choose to focus on the fiercely emerging sibling bond between Gracie and Dakota. When I think about having 4 children in less than 2.5 years, 2 sets of siblings with a range of ages, needs, experience, gender, race, and histories, it is only by God’s grace that the Good outweighs the hard ( most days) with  Martin Party of 6.  Gracie’s first words when she wakes up are “ Da-Co Co kool?” and I have to disappoint her when I confirm that her Dakota is indeed at school. Her face lights up when he gets home and if she happens to still be napping when he walks in, his face falls because he knows my answer will be no when he asks me if he can wake her up to play.  They are often huddled together reading a book or sharing sweet moments of pure adoration and sometimes I’m lucky enough to catch them. 

Even though I have so many other things weighing on my mind and heart, the purpose of this blog is to chronicle our journey of fostering and adoption, to share truth and struggle and encouragement and to at the end of every day, take the risk and remember to find the good along the way. I pray you are able to do the same whatever you are facing today.

[Take the Risk]

Meet Jackson Bradley Martin. He’s been with us almost 12 weeks and it’s high time he made his official blog appearance . A little background …

On May 2, 2016, Brad and I celebrated our 7 year anniversary . May 4, we finalized Gracie’s adoption and I handed out “Martin Party of 5 ” tshirts I had ordered as a surprise . On May 10, We celebrated Brads 37 th birthday and on May 11 we got a phone call Gracie’s brother , baby boy Martin , had been born in Mississippi . On May 13 we finalized Jacob and Dakotas ’s adoption with dear friends and family and Two days later, Brad flew to Canada for a business trip and I left in a suburban with a friend and 2 toddlers to bring our baby boy home . During all this , my brother in law , sister and niece moved in with us for the summer to bring extra hands and hearts into our beautiful mess before they move to Pennsylvania for the next 4 or so years . And our house sold in 4 days . And our closing was delayed three times .

Our sweet Jackson got thrown right into the mix of our zoo. He is snuggly and smiley and sometimes fussy and we are so thankful for the honor of raising him along side his sister . God truly does write the best stories , who would have ever imagined we would have 2 separate sibling groups making up Martin Party of 6. Many have asked how the boys are - they are great and take pride in being big brothers . Gracie is super protective of her “Jack Jack” and likes to feed him his bottle and rush to his rescue when he needs his binki . And just like the other three , he is already teaching us life lessons about the amazing unconditional love of a newborn , the pure exhaustion of surviving and not sleeping , and the differences that continue to exist because of the color of his skin. He came into our lives at a pivotal time in our country and we are the better for it . There is a softer , more gentle acceptance within our walls . There are conversations with our boys , our neighbors , our pediatricians and our family members that we haven’t previously had. Brad and I pray certain prayers for each child because of their wounds , their strengths , their needs , and Jack is no different except he is - my prayers for him regarding safety and respect and inclusion come from a deep down maternal cry that has been shielded or sheltered until we brought him home . I look at him and see such pure innocence and I struggle with how our world spews hate and hurt . I don’t have any prophetic words to share or enlightening answers to impart, but I can without hesitation, say that baby Jack has already begun a legacy of unity , love and opportunity in our village . I can’t wait to tell him thank you .

[Take the Risk]

GRACE

As we leave Mississippi , the birthplace of our daughter , a state I had not visited prior to this journey and have since been to twice to legally finalize her place in our family , I am overcome yet again with the emotions of foster care and adoption. Yesterday we stood in a courtroom before a judge and were asked to recount what brought Gracie into our care , we explained why we would be the best choice for her future, and swore an oath to love her as our own , as if she had been naturally born to us. In answering those questions and affirming her adoption, we had to share some of her unfortunate past , and pieces of our niece’s story that isn’t ours to tell and breaks our heart , and then give a verbal admission of her not being born to us biologically that we tend to brush past in the day to day because that part doesn’t matter to us , we know we are her parents and will raise her as if she had been . On this monumental day, words like “family ” “brokenness” , “grace ” , “infertility”, “cycle” “systems ” , “addiction” , “Joy” , “ safety” , “stability ” and LOVE crashed all around us . Brad took the stand as an uncle , a brother , a husband and a daddy . He spoke with such grace and love and left no room for questioning why we were here and what Gracie’s future as our daughter will look like . When it was my turn to take the stand , I held Gracie while she slept blissfully unaware of one of the biggest days of her life being decided around her . I blubbered through it while kissing her sweet face over and over and promising to love her unconditionally as my own .
Last night , we had the honor of sitting around the table and having dinner with the family who cared for her first , who loved her and kept her safe as her Foster parents . We found out she first entered care and into their home on April 1, which is my birthday . God placed her with good people who will be our dear friends for life . Brandy, her foster mom for 5 months and who we call Aunt Brandy, held her and rocked her to sleep in the courtroom and made her a beautiful sign for her new room we will cherish forever . The Lord was already weaving this friendship long before we knew and we are forever grateful for their part in Gracie’s story.
Today as we were leaving , Gracie was able to meet her Aunt Savannah for the first time , Brad’s niece and sister to Gracie’s biological mom. Gracie woke up from A nap and reached straight for Aunt Savvy and gave her sugar . Her little heart knew this was her family too and someone who will always love her and understands the heartbreak and redemption of her story. As we leave the gulf , we leave with the promise that His Plan is always greater , that family comes in all kind of ways and that sweet baby Gracie Martin is so incredibly wanted and loved .

[Take the Risk]

Lots of people ask how we do it - how do we foster , how do we foster 4 , how do we both work , how do we balance , how do we sleep , just HOW? First , it is truly by God’s grace and provision of physical and mental endurance because it would not be possible in any human form or fashion any other way. A friend prays specifically for strength when we are tired and patience when we are spread thin . It’s friends that send texts like the one above , and friends who drop off dinner or treasures on the porch unprompted . Its babysitters who are family that take the kids for a few hours so we can breathe - or change playrooms into bedrooms or whatever . It’s a husband who picks me up when I’m discouraged and loves these babies fiercely . It’s coworkers who tell me to breathe and be a mama first because that makes me more effective in my work . It’s a pastor speaking words of truth to me by asking the question “what do you need to surrender ?” It’s family who pray over court dates and encourage us when anxiety wants to trump faith . It’s neighborhood friends who love our littles and embrace the zoo with open arms . It’s teachers in the special education world who text me pictures and updates when our little guy meets a goal , and it’s caseworkers and Early Interventionists who advocate for what is truly best for our special littles . So it’s not the how , it’s the WHO and it would not be possible in any other way . Happy Easter dear friends !

[Take the Risk]

Let Me Tell You About a Little Girl…

That has said so much to us in the last 8 days without uttering a single word. She has been our teacher and shown us more than the four combined therapies she is approved to receive. This beautiful, joyful, nonverbal child has already done Kingdom work in her three little years.  Sharing her story has  brought 5 people to inquire about becoming a foster parent. Less than a week of encounters has wrecked one of our brand new babysitters life in the best way- she is changing her major to special education and wants to work with children who have an autism diagnosis. She has gripped my husband’s heart so tight that when  I thought he was running late this morning from taking the boys to school and her to daycare, I just knew he was surprising me with a “oh its Monday happy treat Starbucks delivery”. Instead, he had gone to Lowes and bought  pink light bulbs to put in her lamp to make her room even more fit for a princess.  The magnitude of her effect on us and our community is overwhelming in the most beautiful way,

Many friends have asked what this means for our family and in all transparency, I have to say we do not yet know.  We have 3 of four children who are still legally in foster care, who we still cover their faces, who we still and always will protect their past and simultaneously battle for their future.  The boys adoptions should be finalized and permanent in less than 60 days. Our sweet baby Gracie, who started in foster care and became a legal relative placement with us as her guardians, will be finalized through adoption by May. And what we know about *A is that she will be loved day by day by this crazy household, she will know Jesus and unconditional love and forgiveness like every child that has entered through the doors of our home , no matter the time frame, and that we will be obedient to God’s calling on her life and what he calls us to do in the journey of her story. What  I do know is that every night this child the Bible calls “of the fatherless “, must drift off to sleep with a whisper from her Heavenly Father as he speaks this truth: “ Well done, my good and faithful servant”. Our “Lady A” as we call her, will without a doubt,  have her heavenly crown waiting.